Daniel

I was definitely rescued from oblivion by God on October 3rd of 2010.
And yet I still feel very much in a dark place.
It was quite confusing to me--if I've been rescued, why do I still feel as though I need to be rescued?

And then I was praying the other night and realized the perfect analogy for this feeling.
It's like Daniel in the lion's den.
When he was first tossed into that hole and darkness gripped him, he must have been terrified. But God stopped the lions from eating him. That was his rescue moment. But Daniel still had to chill in there in the dark and right in front of danger all night long. My night just isn't over yet.

So all I have to do is wait for God to roll away the stone and trust that He's still got them lions in control.

something something

here's a thought my therapist has been helping me see ...slowly:

I don't have to do, say or be anything to be good enough. I am always good enough.


an interesting notion, but it will be a while before I start to feel/think/act like this, I think.

downforeveryoneorjustme.com

says that stumbleupon.com is down.


...


so now what am i supposed to do?

haha, that's a good one, universe.

march 26, 2010 I posted something.

looking back it's damn ironic.

Maybe

I really dislike fake people.



it's possible to rant about it for a very long time (which I did and then deleted because it was tiresome) just showing how deeply offended I seem to be by this particular brand of human being.
but then I told someone about this and he said, "We often hate most the people who remind us of ourselves."

I value this person as a credible source of knowledge/advice/etc.
but does that mean that I am fake?


...maybe.

feel me up

i've been feeling good these past couple days.


it's really hard to keep track of my feelings because every hour is a mini-roller coaster of loops, spins, and hairpin turns to keep any thrill seeker on the edge of his/her seat. perhaps i should say my seat. because what i feel seems to have no rational roots, no identifiable source. and i am surprised each and every time at the surges. because they're not like waves on the beach... they lack the consistency and the predictability that waves have. it's a bit like the weather, always fucking with me so i'm never dressed appropriately.

i have been doing a lot of nothing. but on purpose this time. i'm trying to fill my days with only a couple things at a time. like today was a book ("A Guide to the Birds of East Africa" a novel) and the movie 500 days of summer. it's an interesting note on human purpose or existentialism or something else that i may possibly learn in my new asian philosophy class (confession: i'm kind of excited for school to start. all my classes sound fun) that through no design of my own both of these things that i used to fill up my day happened to share the theme of love.

love...
what a weird concept.
do you know what love is?
fuck if i do.
jesus said love is giving your life for a friend.
jesus was smart and all, but is that it? is that the only definition of love?
what about the love that everyone keeps signing up for online dating sites for? What about the love that perfume commercials and weight watchers ads claim to offer? what about the love that is supposed to be the foundation of marriage? what is it??
i propose an end to usage of this word LOVE to describe those things.
i propose we stick to CARE. i care for you. that means a lot more to me than i love you does. it has tone. it has implications. it has action behind it. love is the most actionless verb i can think of. what action comes automatically with love? nothing that i can think of.
i am not a cynic. i believe in relationships and marriage and a caring that is deep and lasting and can connect two individuals so that they are no longer individual but rather two parts of a whole.
but just the semantics of it all bothers me. love. what a loaded syllable. loaded... but somehow empty.


man if you read through that whole thing you deserve a prize.

hrm...
here is my reward to you.
i took like 15 minutes and came up with a bunch of sayings for girls masterbating. like how guys have "rub one off" or "jerk off." i wanted to think of something for girls. here goes:
tinkering with my taco
pushing around my pancake
fiddling with my flower
vandelising the verandah
bonding with my beaver
kneading my noodles

thats it. that is the product of about twenty minutes of HARD thinking.
yay education.

my first post of the year yay

so i went to new york and saw some sights and skipped others and ate pretty much EVERYTHING and laughed and sang a lot and danced a little and shivered and thawed and got another tat and had snow thrown at me and saw someone puke in a street and basically had a marvelous time.

but now it's got me to thinking...
you know how there are a bunch of things you think of as "stuff to see in NYC"? like... empire state building, ground zero memorial, statue of liberty, natural history museum, the met, broadway, central park, etc.
well what are the "stuff to see in LA"?

here's what i can think of so far:
-Getty
-LACMA (even if you dont go inside, the lights in front are worth the trip i think)
-Santa Monica pier
-3rd Street Promenade at night
-KTown (for FOOD)
-Hollywood (like the chinese theater/sidewalk with the stars)
-Disneyland i suppose
-Maybe Griffith observatory?

and i can't think of anything else. I guess because LA is so spread out there are a lot of things you can do depending on what kind of person you are, and also a lot of things that you might want to do but that it's so far you would rather not go spur of the moment (which explains why i'm bored a lot). If you're convicted that I missed something (or a lot of things), which I don't doubt, do me a favor and comment what i'm missing? I'd like to see what you guys think is sight seeing worthy in LA.



p.s. sorry for being mia for so long. blogging wasn't really the first thing on my mind.