i am tired

of artsy fartsy and theoretical and conceptual and out there and significance and deeper meanings.

what happened to down to earth?
practical?
common sense?







i have to write a paper comparing/doing a visual analysis of two sculptures of the Buddha (apparently you always put "the" in front of Buddha. my gsi wrote it all over my rough draft.) and drawing some sort of conclusion based off of that visual analysis.

i would put up pictures of the two buddhas, but you guys would then try to do what i have to do and i dont want to put you through those three seconds of wtf.
i love you too much is all.









bah. midterm season.
bahh.

my parents

want me to come home once before spring break.

i would love to, but the only time i can would be.. the weekend RIGHT before spring break.
and that just seems pointless.

i like

honey bunches of oats.

they're yummy.














i hate how my feelings are so fickle. they fluctuate so well based off of people around me.
i wish i was more consistent.
i wish my feelings were more reliable.


"self-sufficient," i have to whisper to myself every so often.
self-sufficient.

update

i got in as an alternate to camp kesem. depending upon funds and loyalty and how well they like me by the end of the semester, i may become a counselor. and i may not.

just so you know.


also...
I took my first midterm yesterday.
finished shockingly and paranoia-inducingly early.

so now i'm waiting for my grade.
we'll see how that goes.

camp kesem

is this summer camp for kids whose parents have/have had cancer.

and audrey and i applied to be counselors.
and she found out about their decision last night.
but they wont email me or call me or anything so i'm very sad and nervous.

i wish i knew...

i'm disappointed

Former president Bill Clinton is coming to speak here.

And tickets went on sale today at 12.




and i woke up at 12 30. -_-"
by the time i found out that tickets were on sale at 12 today, i was in the shower yelling with my floormates over the sound of running water. and they told me that tickets were probably already sold out.

damn it.









side note: i like the band "never shout never" :]
look them up perhaps.

do you ever

have to take a step back and think.
'wait... what am i doing?'

it's nice to do that once in a while i think.
slows you down...
forces you to experience your life instead of just living it mindlessly...
makes you think about where you are...
and where you've come from...
where you're going...
who you're becoming...
all that deep stuff.

i wish that i liked what i saw everytime i did that.

recently i've been looking at myself and seeing stuff i dont like.
flaws in the design and style...
inefficiencies in function
sometimes even the wrong function...


ah but then there are parts that i'm happy about. things i can live with...






but i bet everyone is like that right?

esophogous

i dont think i spelled that right...

my air passageway feels tight.
but i can breathe just fine.



maybe it's nerves, but i dont really have anything to be nervous about.
yeah i doooo actually
*sigh*
i just dont want to talk about them here.
or anywhere.
i want them to go away like so many dandelion seeds.
poof! gone with the wind so they say.



on a happier note
i have learned how to play "chasing cars" on the guitar. yay.