trickle trickle plop PLOP.

IT'S RAINING!!!

usually i wake up earlier than necessary because i have to pee, roll over and decide to hold it until i really have to wake up and then sleep more.
but these days i wake up and then cant fall back asleep because the rain makes me need to pee even MORE and i can't ignore it.
i still crawl back in bed after i pee though ^^



i want to start a band!
i keep getting nostalgic praiseband memories, and i miss playing an instrument in coordination with other people. There is a sort of wonderful feeling that comes from making pretty music with someone else when it is done well. You are capable of connecting to another person and grow comfortable with them... there's nothing else quite like it that i have yet to encounter so far.

the likelihood of this ever happening, however, is not high.





i have a midterm tomorrow in oceanography.
we shall see how this proceeds.

i've started

a tumblr.

gasp.



and i'm also very sleepy.

weekend at home

i got to visit home for basically a day...
it was kind of good, since i felt a little bit like i was in high school again (even went dress shopping. and may i say.. i look smexy.)
so that meant that i felt a little less pressured and a bit more relaxed...
plus i got to see many lovely faces while i was back, including sabrina's to our surprise. :]
i miss you guys already!

didnt get any tacos though. that was a tad disappointing...

and i also ate for free all weekend cuz my parents paid (well they pay for my food anyways, but it physically came out of their pocketbooks at the table so it felt different.)

and i hate the ascent during plane rides.
FREAKS me out dude.
*shudder*



and thats all i can think of.

sometimes

i wonder what it would be like to take a semester off.

Just leave and take a break for a while.
Maybe go into the mountains where the only technology i have is a landline telephone and running water.
Just pray, buy groceries, take walks, read books.

No more worrying or being afraid or feeling alone while you're surrounded by people.

Because being alone because you choose to be and feeling alone when you're really not are two very different things. And somehow it seems that the first option would be serene and peaceful where the second option is full of unintentional rejection and loneliness.

Or maybe I would go to another city. Someplace where no one knows me. Start fresh.
Or stay at home and soak up my family. Every last ounce of them, because no one else will love you as unconditionally and no one else will annoy you half as much.



I think i'm just exhausted, and i dont want to be a quitter or give up or be weak or anything like that... but i'm so FUCKING exhausted...




on a different note,
i'll be in torrance this weekend and have made plans to see a couple of you. If you and I arent already planning to hang out and you're free on saturday, feel free to call me k? :]

i love you all!