sometimes

i wonder what it would be like to take a semester off.

Just leave and take a break for a while.
Maybe go into the mountains where the only technology i have is a landline telephone and running water.
Just pray, buy groceries, take walks, read books.

No more worrying or being afraid or feeling alone while you're surrounded by people.

Because being alone because you choose to be and feeling alone when you're really not are two very different things. And somehow it seems that the first option would be serene and peaceful where the second option is full of unintentional rejection and loneliness.

Or maybe I would go to another city. Someplace where no one knows me. Start fresh.
Or stay at home and soak up my family. Every last ounce of them, because no one else will love you as unconditionally and no one else will annoy you half as much.



I think i'm just exhausted, and i dont want to be a quitter or give up or be weak or anything like that... but i'm so FUCKING exhausted...




on a different note,
i'll be in torrance this weekend and have made plans to see a couple of you. If you and I arent already planning to hang out and you're free on saturday, feel free to call me k? :]

i love you all!