feel me up

i've been feeling good these past couple days.


it's really hard to keep track of my feelings because every hour is a mini-roller coaster of loops, spins, and hairpin turns to keep any thrill seeker on the edge of his/her seat. perhaps i should say my seat. because what i feel seems to have no rational roots, no identifiable source. and i am surprised each and every time at the surges. because they're not like waves on the beach... they lack the consistency and the predictability that waves have. it's a bit like the weather, always fucking with me so i'm never dressed appropriately.

i have been doing a lot of nothing. but on purpose this time. i'm trying to fill my days with only a couple things at a time. like today was a book ("A Guide to the Birds of East Africa" a novel) and the movie 500 days of summer. it's an interesting note on human purpose or existentialism or something else that i may possibly learn in my new asian philosophy class (confession: i'm kind of excited for school to start. all my classes sound fun) that through no design of my own both of these things that i used to fill up my day happened to share the theme of love.

love...
what a weird concept.
do you know what love is?
fuck if i do.
jesus said love is giving your life for a friend.
jesus was smart and all, but is that it? is that the only definition of love?
what about the love that everyone keeps signing up for online dating sites for? What about the love that perfume commercials and weight watchers ads claim to offer? what about the love that is supposed to be the foundation of marriage? what is it??
i propose an end to usage of this word LOVE to describe those things.
i propose we stick to CARE. i care for you. that means a lot more to me than i love you does. it has tone. it has implications. it has action behind it. love is the most actionless verb i can think of. what action comes automatically with love? nothing that i can think of.
i am not a cynic. i believe in relationships and marriage and a caring that is deep and lasting and can connect two individuals so that they are no longer individual but rather two parts of a whole.
but just the semantics of it all bothers me. love. what a loaded syllable. loaded... but somehow empty.


man if you read through that whole thing you deserve a prize.

hrm...
here is my reward to you.
i took like 15 minutes and came up with a bunch of sayings for girls masterbating. like how guys have "rub one off" or "jerk off." i wanted to think of something for girls. here goes:
tinkering with my taco
pushing around my pancake
fiddling with my flower
vandelising the verandah
bonding with my beaver
kneading my noodles

thats it. that is the product of about twenty minutes of HARD thinking.
yay education.