Cornerstone... Milestone...

so now for a real post.

yesterday night was my last night at Cornerstone Church. last day too actually if we want to get technical.

i told people personally.. pretty much one by one... there were a lot of girls who almost cried, including me (actually i did cry, but that was in private during prayer so it's less weepy girl-ish and more.. emo child-ish), but there were a lot more shocked faces than tearful eyes.

the hardest part was when people asked why. that's of course a natural response... if someone tells you they're making a huge decision.. basically to never see you again... wouldnt you ask why? well about thirty of them did. hahahaha. and since i told them each individually i had to say it over and over again. It really forced me to think... why? why AM i doing this?

there are a lot of reasons.

that's what i kept telling everyone yesterday, it simplified everything and didnt hurt anyone's feelings. but i think the truth is...

there are only a couple of reasons.
1. My parents are leaving, and i thought about it a lot and prayed about it a lot, and my family is the body of Christ that God gave me. I had absolutely no choice in that matter. Hence, they hold higher authority over me than my church, which I know God chooses for me too, but I also have a slight say in that matter. I prayed a lot, and it comes down to this... I will follow my family wherever they lead because God wants me to.
2. I also have some issues with the leadership at Cornerstone. I totally agree with all their "why"s, but i think i have an issue with their "how"s. The way they accomplish their goals... I feel that there is a lack of love. They approach things like an army. With tactics and pawns... it hurts me to say this, but i feel that there was a lack of love in all that they were doing. The church is an army for the Kingdom of God, but God is love and we should still be able to embody that.
3. i could feel my spiritual life... shrinking almost. I was going through the motions for a long time and smiling on the outside, but i felt no joy in serving. I was thankful to God, but I didnt say it anymore. eventually, towards the end i stopped going through the motions at all. This reason might actually be my fault, but in the end... the other reasons + this reason... it all adds up to me needing to find another church.


dont get me wrong. I loved that church. All the members of the church were my friends and I love them all. it really hurts to have to leave, but i need to follow where God leads, and right now, God is leading me to another church.

So for now, it's goodbye. But i will see them again, even if it's not in this life, heaven is that much more of a great place because i know that i can see them there. God bless you all, it's going to be hard for all of us, but if we have faith... if I have faith... He will see us through it all. xD